Book: My Heart and Other Black Holes (Jasmine Warga)

Read this last night on the bus ride home. It's about a girl, Aysel, who is depressed and wants to commit suicide. She can't commit to it herself, so she finds a Suicide Partner on the net. Enter male protagonist Roman, aka FrozenRobot. 

Won't spoil it for ya, but here some parts...there's isn't something very 'quotable' here but yeah:
  • Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there's nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.
  • Depression is like a heaviness that you can't ever escape.
  • Once I'm gone, I don't want her to feel guilty thinking there was something she could have done.
  • "All the answers are in this music. Do you hear them?"
  • Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.
  • It's like your sadness is so deep and overwhelming that you're worried it will drown everyone else in your life if you let them too close to it.

Other things I liked:
  • Great characterisation of Roman's mum- very typical mother who only wants the best for her son.
  • The reference to Paradise Lost by John Milton, a book that Stella has recommended me. (Yet to read, but am going to soon!)
  • The descriptions/feelings of depression in general.
  • The tackling of such a dark subject.
  • Made me cry T_T
  • Captain Nemo
  • How time passes faster, happier, when you have an end goal in mind (ie the end of your days... o_o)

What I did not like:
  • The abrupt turn in events. Why did the author follow the typical YA drama? She had it going for most of the book.. quite disappointed.
  • The romance which cheapened the storyline sobs. Didn't like how it played out. 
  • Parents were rather underdeveloped, which isn't so cool considering the plot hinges on the Dad as well.
Meanwhile, I went to the library to return and borrow books. Got 8 books- and since it's the June holidays, NLB doubled the borrowing quota! You can borrow 16 books now.

Can't wait to get started on my new batch of books. I borrowed Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin again. It's about a mother telling the story of... well, her son did a suicide mission thing at school. I really liked the book though, and went on to read several other Lionel Shrivers.

Been reading a lot about psycho things. Like how 'monsters' reside in these evil people (Dexter, Project Cain, etc. I guess we all have our own demons, our own darkness.

Jess tells me how it's sometimes very... disconnecting (something like that) that I am usually such a happy person, but my posts are sometimes so angsty and scary (the accident post, in particular, lol). Sometimes I look at my own songs and I'm like hnng. I do write happy songs (Spiralling Sunday, Celebrate Today, and does Invincible count?), but I think I do sad or slow songs better. Hahha. It's just the darkness residing in me. It wants to speak. All part of me though. I embrace it.

MisterWives lead singer Mandy says she got sick of writing songs about devastating love, and came up with dance anthems, Reflections, Vagabond and Our Own House. Maybe one day I would grow out of these dark feelings.

(Lol, people are saying how Mandy sounds like Ellie. Personally I think Ellie has a more silver /magic tinged voice. And Mandy has a more... how do you say this. More average but more folksy sound.)

How cute is she though:

Well what I wanted to say is that... I tried and I do not want to write things that don't express myself, even if they seem to be more for public consumption, and are 'easier' to sell. I mean eventually if I ever want to release a radio hit maybe it has to be more 'easy listening' or 'uplifting', but arghh lol nevermind that for now.

But I'm wary of spreading more darkness and sadness too. Not very nice to be spreading sadness right? T_______T

Something I kinda regret nowadays is not releasing my music via an anonymous label. Shouldn't have published my FB page so soon. It's like a self-censor limit. Maybe I should just open another soundcloud account just to experiment with songs and other genres. (Like, I really think if I cover things like Take Me To Church or The Weeknd, the people on my FB (esp the older ones) are not gonna be happy. Lol.)

Idea huh? :)