Skye Soon
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Hey guys, I read a very interesting and illuminating book recently and wanted to introduce you to it. 

We're gonna take a look at how cultures communicate. The differences are stark. 

I highly recommend this book. 

First, let's look at how societies communicate. 

Low Context

Good communication is precise, simple and clear. Messages are expressed and understood at face value. repetition  is appreciated if it helps clarify the communication. 

High Context

Good communication is sophisticated, nuanced and layered. Messages are both spoken and read between the lines. Messages are often implied but not plainly expressed.

Thoughts

Singapore, as an Asian country, probably falls under high context rather than low context. 

(Side note: I am doing a course on supporting and engaging people with autism now, and it occurs to me that high context environments can be extremely tricky for any person ,with or without autism. Worse, if someone needs to follow instructions to a T, high context communication will definitely confuse matters.)

I'm not surprised that Japan is a categorised as a high context country.

"In Japan, there is a vote for the most popular new word. A few years ago, the word of the year is 'KY', which stands for kuuki yomenai, or one who cannot read the air. In other words, a person sorely lacking the ability to read between the lines. In Japan, if you can't read the air, you are not a good listener." P60

Upgraders and Downgraders p.63

More direct cultures use upgraders, words preceding or following negative feedback that make it feel stronger.

'absolutely, totally, strongly' 

E.g. "This is totally inappropriate, this is absolutely unprofessional'

Indirect cultures use more downgraders to soften the criticism : 

' kind of, sort of, a little, a bit, maybe, slightly' 

E.g. 'We are not quite there yet. This is just my opinion'.

Singapore definitely uses more downgraders. I mean, just look at 'landslips' instead of 'landslides', and even 'circuit breaker' as opposed to the harsher 'quarantine'. 

In some countries, you are expected to be honest. If you beat around the bush, you are seen as untrustworthy.


Managers in different parts of the world are conditioned to give feedback in drastically different ways. The Chinese manager learns never to criticize a colleague openly or in front of others, while the Dutch manager learns always to be honest and to give the message straight. Americans are trained to wrap positive messages around negative ones, while the French are trained to criticise passionately and provide positive feedback sparingly. p62


p.65 A really funny chart! What the British Say, What they mean, and What the Dutch understand.


It's a riot!!! 


Pg. 67 Direct and Indirect Negative Feedback

Pg. 74

It's funny because for such a direct culture, Americans tend to hold back when giving negative criticism.

pg. 75 Different approaches, even in schooling. 

In today's urban terms, SAVAGE! 

In some countries, a joke is best when delivered deadpan (Britain).

In America, you need to add the tag 'just kidding!', to state the obvious. They often also point out the elephant in the room, which some cultures find utterly unnecessary and even insulting. Like, duh, obviously we know. 

In the book, we are also introduced to how people think and how it affects persuasion. 

Applications First (thesis first, then back up with evidence if needed) VS Principles First (evidence first, then conclusion) p. 89

Singapore is more of an 'applications first' kind of system I believe. 


I would like to defend the Chinese method of writing province etc first. It just seems so much more logical to state which country or area you stay in first, before zeroing to the details. I imagine it's easier for the postman at the very least. 

There was also a chapter about 'peach' societies and 'coconut' societies. Peach as in people who seem friendly and soft on the outside, but it's hard to really get past their defenses and know the true them. Coconuts in the sense that people are slow to warm up to you, so you need to spend some time to know them before they will make friends with you (and/or) do business with you. Cool concepts!

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed this book! Trying to understanding others and why they are the way they are is what I most enjoyed about sociology. 

If you work in a multi-cultural company, perhaps you have encountered such communication gaffes too. Try this book to see why these happened, and how you can tackle the situation if it arises again.  

If you watched Emily in Paris, these concepts explains better the culture shock Emily is experiencing in her workplace. I definitely learned a thing or two from this book. 


 


Well, well! It has been the longest time before I did a Tea Time post.

Monogram Tea is by the Gryphon Tea company, I'm sure you've heard of them. The tagline for Monogram is 'The Art of Tea Layering'.

Here are their 'creatively curated' flavours. 


I have three sachets, Morning English, Shiso Mint, and Saffronais.

Morning English
Assam black tea with gentle notes of tobacco and stone fruits. 
Taste: A lighter English Breakfast tea.
Layer Suggestion: Shiso Mint, Rose of Ariana

Layer meaning put two tea bags into one pot! 
Layer Taste: Tea develops into something more complex. You end up having your Morning English with a fresh, minty aftertaste. I... like it!

Shiso Mint
Arabian Mint with Japanese Shiso. Fresh and minty and smells like, well, sweet toothpaste.

Saffronais
An interesting brew of Spanish Saffron, Tibet Safflower and Bamboo leaves.

The tea does smell like honey!

Layer Suggestion: Uji Sencha, Cherry Japonais, Jasmine Silk Pearls, Milky Oolong, Lapsang Florale, Kashmere

I have none of these so I just drank it as it is. This is a herbs kind of tea, a tisane. Not a big fan of tisanes really. The honey undertones were interesting to me though. 

Till next time,

Skye


"By sharing the perspective of another woman, even for just one day, we gain not only a greater understanding of who that woman really is, but equally important, how much we all have in common."

The Day in the Life : Diaries from Women Across America is a collection of true life stories of women in America on June 29, 2004. There are some full diary accounts like a NASA astronaut's day, and plenty of candid ones pepper throughout the book. 

( The NASA astronaut juggles her job and motherhood. She and her husband, a glassblower, have a commuter marriage for fourteen years and counting. p.139)

Some excerpts I enjoyed:

From a firefighter:

"After more than 20 years as a firefighter, I find I think differently about most things than 'civilians'. When I think about the weather, I think about how it will affect fighting a fire or whether it will cause more runs. When I walk the city street, I look at buildings constantly to think about how fast a fire could travel, or how many people might have to be evacuated or searched for, or how the firefighter assigned to the roof will get there." p110


From a harpist:

"I went to play my harp in the CCU. It's usually frantic here, but I go in, anyway, knowing that it's doing both staff and patients good. I heard a story about a patient who had heard my harp in the CCU and asked a hospital volunteer, "Am I in heaven?" The volunteer told her, "Oh no, dear, that's our harpist Verlene playing right outside the door."

Later she asked the patient, who was in the process of dying, if she was afraid. The patient answered, "No.Ever since I heard the harp music, I'm not afraid."  p120

"Trying to explain the theory of evolution to a four-year-old is a tough one. I realise something has been lost in translation because he asks, 'When I get to be as old as you, will I be a monkey?" p135

"Diaper change time. Wonder how many diapers I've changed in eleven years? (Four diapers per kid per day, average of 3 kids a day, five days a week, fifty-one weeks a year, times eleven - 33,660!!! God, I've got to get out of this business." - a childcare provider p274

"It's difficult because I REALLY want to talk to him. But we mostly have to wait to chat until after the kids are in bed because it's too hard to talk over their needs." :'( - from a housewife p316

"You should always discuss medical procedures with girlfriends. Women are their own greatest health resource. That's probably why we live longer than men. We share knowledge, while men compete and die." p327

"My boyfriend kind of smells. He smells the way something tastes when you leave it in the refrigerator uncovered, a little touched by everything mixed together in a slightly stale way. " p. 383

"In my quiet moments, my reflective times, I am aware that I love and am loved by family and friends. I am at peace knowing so many care and want me to live. What more can we ask of life than that we would be missed if we were not here." - a dialysis patient, 66. p.345

"Call Mom to let her know I made it home and glance around the house for intruders. Open the shower curtain fast! No one. Under the bed. Clear."

"Hot bubble bath with Johnson's Bedtime Bath. It's really to 'soothe fussy babies', but since that's how I feel most of the time, I consider it a bathtime staple."

It's always nice to delve into the stories of others. Now, we need an Asian counterpart for me to better relate to.

Hi hi friends!

Finally shaking off the dust (and the rust) to bring you a new original! It's a simple one encouraging your friend or loved one to lean on you in tough times. You know, because sometimes people are not very willing to show their weaknesses when they are in fact suffering. Maaaaaaaaybe a listening ear or a hug, or just the permission to share about their worries without feeling like a burden would help. 

Since it's a simple, heartfelt song, I just went for a one-take using my iPad rather than the whole mic + video set up (which is in full honesty is very tedious). Then I added subtitles via imovie. My dad says he can finally understand what I'm singing, lmao.

............♡ ...........
Lean On Me 

✨V1✨
you're reason i smile to myself
even on my bad days you help me to turn it around
listen to me talk my head off
when i am going through hell
what would i do
without you
 
so dont hide your worries from me
i can handle honesty

✨chorus✨
so lean on me
when you're feeling blue
you dont have say a thing
i'll be there, just for you

so hold me close
like a burrito
we can conquer the world 
this throne was meant for two

✨v2✨
you're the reason i believe in myself
even on the worst days you help me to turn it around
you anchor me to earth
so i can soar above the ground
i hope you can trust me too

so dont hide your worries from me
i can handle honesty

✨chorus✨
so lean on me
when you're feeling blue
you dont have say a thing
i'll be there, just for you

so hold me close
like a burrito
we can conquer the world 
this throne was meant for two
x2
i love you ❤️
............♡ ...........

notes on lyrics and stuff:
  • Went for a different musical flow as compared to usual though I still kept to bright chords for the relaxed island vibe. 
  • Thought the burrito part was cheesy but it made me laugh so I kept it.
  • Tried a pre-chorus to introduce 'instability', used same idea for the transition from first chorus to the second verse. 
  • Tried expanding the story in the second verse, from the person always cheering you up, to the person being a safe harbour so you can pursue what you want without fear. 
  • I will strive for a more poetic quality next time ^^ That'll be fun. 
  • First released original in a while so I didn't do any fancy vocal tricks LOL. Playing it real safe.  Exploring the lower range though! 
  • Also forgot to take a cover photo. Lols.
Have been studying some new music structures and flow through popular songs. It's really cool and I'll like to apply what I've learnt too in the next project! It's always nice when someone approaches a song in a refreshing manner. It will be so useful if I was a music production wizard too. 

I just realised that I have not posted any new music things since June 2020. Oops.

Got a little bit of video-jitters when I was doing this - you have no idea how musicians on camera want everything to go smoothly. Sometimes you misplay or do something very obviously wrong and have to restart. Again and again. But that's part and parcel of it. 

It's a small project so I'll just wanted to ship it and go to work. Haha. We'll do the full works (music production, better recording) for the next project! For now, I'm happy that I can share some new music content. Hopefully I'll be back with more updates soon! Thanks for sticking around!


Big love,
Skye


Notes from the Book: A Force For Good: The Dalai Lama's Vision For Our World - Daniel Coleman

In this book, we explore some of Dalai Lama's views on the problems of the world. He is surprisingly a huge supporter of science.

Rich-poor divide

"We all have the same potential but not the same opportunities." p.182

Change from within

"If you want to change the world, first try to improve - change within yourself. That will help change your family. From there it just gets bigger and bigger." p.318


Corporate Charity

Marc Benioff, CEO of the cloud computing company Salesforce,  uses a "1:1:1" principle, giving 1 percent of profits, 1 percent of product, and 1 percent of employees' time to worthy causes. p.177


On Warfare

"To my surprise. the Dalai Lama says that warfare itself can be relatively humanised if it is fought with a compassionate motivation, taking care to minimise casualties and civilian deaths. He contrasts that with impersonal, mechanized destruction, "full of hatred," where "murder is seen as a form of heroism".  p.252

On Religion

"The real purpose of faith is the practice of love - it's all the same."

"I believe no religion endorses terrorism.  The essence of all major religions is compassion, forgiveness, self-discipline, brotherhood and charity. All religions have the potential to strengthen human values and to develop general harmony." p. 255

Disarming as a way to build bridges and handle bullying

Jock: Oh, so you're going to play soccer? *dripping in sarcasm*

Pudgy fellow: Yes, I'm going to play soccer. I'm not very good at it. What I'm good at is art. Show me anything and I can draw it real well. You, you're really great at soccer. Someday I'd like to be as good as you are.

Jock (disarmed): Oh, you're not so bad. Maybe I can show you a few moves that will make you better.

The intervention: You say something positive about the other person and say something positive about yourself. The conversational strategy is taught as an on-the-spot response to bullying. Called a 'put-up', it tends to deflate the energy behind the put-down and taunts bullies deploy. p.261


On feeling hopeless faced with the onslaught of seemingly impossible problems in the world

"Impossible things become possible. So what seems impossible at this moment can change if you make the effort." p.296

"If we make an effort, it may be possible to achieve. Even if it seems hopeless now, never give up. Offer a position vision, with enthusiasm and joy, and an optimistic outlook." p.332

On blaming governments

"Society is the aggregate of us all. A government has no brain, no mouth - just offices and some papers. A government, like a corporation, is really just individuals. "

"Sometimes we feel all the world's problems are huge. But who creates these problems? Humanity is only a collection of individuals, so change must come from each of us. The individual is very, very important, but the real effect comes from a mass movement." p.310-312

Eco Footprint VS Handprint

With our continuous diet of bad news, we feel powerless, that things are out of control. When people study their eco footprint, they tend to feel guilty, ashamed and uneasy. This leads people to tune out in order to feel better. 

"Norris had his students at Harvard calculate their personal footprint - the impacts of everything they owned and did. Many of them felt that the world would be better off without them. 

"I realised that no one's footprint would ever get to zero, because everything we buy carries a history of impacts. - Norris" P.224

The 'handprint' is a way to track our personal impacts. This engages our positive motivations and keeps us going. 

Examples of 'virtuous cycle' projects and world's first net-positive products on p225-227. Blankets can change the world!


By the way,  you know most of China's lithium and all its chromium (used in electronics like phones) are mined in Tibet? Dalai Lama invites you to think about your own footprint too. A single phone involves 6,175 independent processes, like mining coltan, a rare mineral in Congo.  p223 Definitely another reason for me to hold off upgrading my phone.

Pretty interesting book that shares the general view of the Dalai Lama and how he uses his role in the world to spread compassion and do good. A recommended read for anyone who wants to think about how to help the world, or anyone who just feels burnt out when faced with the never-ending problems of the world. This book may relight your optimism and encourage you to continue your good work! 

The book also offers examples of self-perpetuating charity and eco work that corporations and organisations have started. (Ariel Investments uses $20k to start investment plans for college for the students. Upon graduation, the students give $20k back to the incoming first-grade class so that the program can be self-perpetuating. p.193) Very interesting take!


Hello my friends!

Hope you guys had a nice time ushering the new year. For me, I want to start 2021 on an optimistic note. Cue all my new plans, to-do lists and habit trackers.

One of my resolutions this year is to exercise daily! Inspired by my dad who does a 1h walk six days a week to keep his legs strong. 

It could be any item:

  • Yoga
  • Swim
  • Run
  • Basketball
  • Workout
  • Walk 10 000 steps etc.
You get the idea. The point is to stay active and keep moving this year! A little adds up to a lot. 20 squats a day is 7300 squats in a year. 
Roping in my friends to join me too. It's definitely more fun and motivating with company.

Now reading: A Force For Good 

Pretty interesting so far! Dalai Lama is more into Science than I thought. 

"Spirituality and science are not in conflict - rather, they are alternative strategies in the quest for reality."

"If I offer methods in Buddhism, people will dismiss it as 'just religion'. But if Science says these methods work, then more openness." - in explaining his interest in science to a reporter. He is speaking about mapping emotions and using inner peace to find better solutions for problems. 

I've been into candles lately! I found out that I'm more into the glow than the fragrances they offer. I have two huge candles now, one a gift from Eli and another that I won from a giveaway. Really enjoy them! The person who wrote about Hygge was right - lighted candles do bring joy. (It's also fun to make a wish when you blow them out each time.)

The sole survivor of the snail rampage has bore fruit!!!

How CUTE?! :')

Alright I'm going to get a crack on some of my other goals this year - ie. drawing and music. Sometimes I find it easy to flounder when I don't really have any clear goal in sight. In that case we will just make it up as it goes lah, nobody has answers anyway.  Going forth with a guiding principle of 'Living Life Fully' perhaps? "Choose the bigger life", and "be happy and spread joy"! 

Sending you lots of love and if you're experiencing non-stop rain like me in Singapore, hoping you will stay warm and dry!

Love,
Skye

Hello everyone!

Woah, it has been ages since my last post. I'd admit that different hobbies take turns at the backseat; each has its season.

Well, well. I set myself a goal of 50 books for my Goodreads Challenge for the past two years in a bid to reduce reading and spend more time on other avenues, to completely no avail. Reading isn't an addiction for me - it's an absolute way of life.

For the year of 2020, I read 91 English books! (And a few Chinese novels and a handful of baby Malay books) 

On 29 Dec the thought of trying to cram 9 books into 2-3 days to win my challenge did indeed cross my mind. Lol.

Anyway, here are my faves:

Fiction

  • Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor
  • Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor
  • The Animators by Kayla Rae Whitaker
  • The Wandering Earth by Liu Cixin
  • Recursion by Blake Crouch
  • The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August

Non-fiction

  • The Hungry Empire by Lizzie Collingham, which I've already written about earlier on in the year.
  • Atomic Habits by James Clear (Read my post here.)

Singapore

  • Air-Conditioned Nation Revisited by Cherian George. (Read my post here.)
  • Let The People Have Him Chiam See Tong: The Early Years by Loke Hoe Yeong
  • This Life Electric by Adam Tie
Creepy as Wack
  • Earthlings by Sayaka Murata
Trying to be creepy but not really (perhaps I read too much into their titles):


  • The Warlow Experiment
  • The Family Upstairs 
  • The Silent Patient
I also read a bunch of cute romance novels and the Sherlock Holmes series (which was more interesting after Benedict Cumberbatch brought him to life).

•·················•·················•

DID NOT ENJOY!!! 😢

Unfortunately, I did not enjoy these books. Oh well :/

  • Future Home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich
  • A Certain Exposure by Jolene Tan
  • Fox Fire Girl by O Thiam Chin
  • Notes from the Internet Apocalypse by Wayne Gladstone
  • Diary of an Expat in Singapore (I couldn't stomach nor finish this)
•·················•·················•

Chinese Books:

蚂蚁上树-卧斧
Genre: Mystery
闕一刀 (Que Yi Dao) is a rare, highly trained 'substitute chef' with excellent skills.  丁筱霞 (Ding Xiao Xia) is a police school drop out, and works as a private investigator. Their paths cross as they get involved in a tangle of mysteries and murder. 
I read this in 繁体 and really enjoyed the story! It drops lots of hints so maybe you can try to solve some parts of the case. Read this until 3am in the morning, omg.

•·················•·················•

I also read a couple of Malay story books in a bid to learn a new language! Need to put in more effort though haha. 

Decided to just go ahead and set a goal of 100 books this 2021. Many years I fall short of the goal, but it's ok haha I want to enjoy the process of reading! 100 books a year - 1000 books in ten years! Wow!

Feel free to share any good reads with me! Or add me on the actual Goodreads website :)

Cheers,
Skye

Image Credits to respective owners.
Cover Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash
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ABOUT ME

Skye Soon : lifestyle blogger in Singapore, street busker and enthusiast of chocolates and books

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